The answer to almost all the problems in our society is marriage. And while marriage is an amazing bond, most of us end up walking into marriage with absolutely unrealistic expectations and then end up being disappointed when our expectations aren’t met. Most of the blame goes to our society that romanticizes marriage a little too much, leading us to have unrealistic expectations out of it.
Expecting marriage to be a magic potion
Marriage is no magic potion that you drink and wake up a new person, that’s not how it works. From a very young age, children are made familiar with the stereotypical concept of marriage and how it’ll be an end to all their problems and worries. Young girls are fed with such romanticized concepts of marriage that they think it’s all rainbows and butterflies. I have seen so many young girls step into marriage hastily as an escape to their problems. What this does is that it makes people walk into marriage with unrealistic expectations, expectations that marriage will solve all your problems, marriage will put an end to your miseries and that marriage will change you as a person. While I agree that it provides companionship and a sense of belonging and responsibility and it changes you as a person, but stepping into marriage thinking that it will magically transform your world is where the problem lies. Expecting your life to be easy just because you’ve signed a piece of paper is putting an unfair amount of pressure on your spouse. No single person can make your life faultless, and pretending they can is only going to lead you to disappointment. Walk in to marriage thinking of it as a growing process that’ll help you and your spouse grow together, there are going to be good times and there are going to be bad times and ultimately they are going to shape you in a better person, so never say no to growing!
Expecting marriage to be a quick fix for your loneliness and depression
Marriage means a lot of things, but you can still be lonely even with a husband by your side. The switch from being single to being married can be isolating, especially if you are moving to a new city or country or are the first one of your friends who’s taken the leap into matrimony. Having a husband can’t eliminate the loneliness in your life; you’ll still need friends and other people to spend time with. Marriage cannot replace all your friendships, so expecting it to do so is not a very wise thing to do. Similarly, depression is not just a mood or a phase, it’s an illness. And when you’re ill you go to a doctor for help, while talking to a partner may help, it cannot cure depression. If you are feeling depressed and lonely before marriage, chances are that will continue after your marriage. Your husband can’t fix everything after all; sometimes you’ll need a doctor too!
Expecting marriage to get you started on your bucket list
If your goals in life start with “when I get married, then I can/will…”, then you need to adjust your mindset. You don’t need a spouse to get started on your bucket list. Sure, it would be great to travel with your man, but if he’s not in the picture right now, don’t let the opportunity slip away. There’s always a reason to go back to studies, or start looking into working for that company you’ve always wanted to; don’t let marriage be another excuse. Your future husband would love to marry someone who didn’t just wait around to get married before accomplishing her dreams. Achieve what you can and while you can, rather than waiting for marriage.
Expecting marriage to banish all your insecurities
It’s easier to feel loved when you have someone who tells you so every day. As true as that may be, feeling confident and loved are also feelings you can have no matter what your relationship status is. Learning to love yourself and building up your own self-confidence only means that your husband doesn’t have to convince you that you’re wonderful; that’s something you already know. But for that you’ll have to let go off your insecurities yourself first and will have to learn to accept compliments. Why depend on anyone else to remind you that you’re strong and beautiful when you can tell that to yourself everyday!
The whole point of marriage is to be the helpmate of someone you have vowed to stand by through good times and bad. I’m sure that in the excitement of picking out flower arrangements and the perfect colour-scheme it’s easy to convince yourself that the rest of your life is going to be just as blissful as that perfect day. But when you’re signing your papers, remember that your spouse isn’t promising to give you a life of ease. They’re promising to give you all the love they can through every circumstance that comes your way. The life you create with your husband will either help or hinder your goals, but don’t fall into the trap of thinking that once you’ve got his last named tagged onto yours, you will finally be happy. Things don’t fall into place that easily. Make the decision now to choose to be happy no matter where you are in life, don’t rely on a situation or a person to do it for you. Rather than seeing a spouse as the missing piece to your puzzle, the road to marriage should be seen as two people figuring out the puzzle together. Marriage is about finding a comrade, not ultimate contentment. It’s about finding a helpmate, not a healer.