It could be just human nature to gradually take for granted the things that we have. None of us certainly got into a relationship by being lazy and selfish. In the beginning, we are the image of kindness, patience, cooperation, compromise, modesty, and flexibility. How else had we made sure our partners committed to us? However, majority of us are guilty of treating our partners the same way we treated toys as kids: when they were brand new, they were our favourites and got all our attention, but once the novelty wore off, we shoved them aside, stepped on them, and overlooked their wellbeing.
Maybe we aren’t that rough on our partner, but if we look back to the start of the relationship, we can probably admit that our efforts have waned.
Just like you couldn’t rope in the partner to commit in the beginning of the relationship by treating them selfishly, similarly you won’t be able to foster love and keep it alive if you don’t stop being selfish.
Here are relationship habits we all should resolve to quit in 2019.
Only going if it’s “your thing”
When your partner wants you to be at an event that’s of interest to him/her, if it isn’t of interest to you, you create a whole scene about it. You say, “That’s not really my thing.” But, it should be about spending time together — not just doing things that are “Your thing.” And you should want to stick it out with your partner, and not discourage her from doing things she wants to do.
Having a bad attitude at “her/his thing”
Maybe you do tag along to the thing that is “not your thing,” but you have a bad attitude at it. You seem set on proving that it really wasn’t your thing and making your partner feel bad for bringing you. Cut that out. Go to his/her thing and be a good sport about it.
Sitting out his family’s things
You’ve stopped going to his family’s birthday parties or meetups because you don’t feel like making that effort. Or, you do end up being with their family and show no interest or respect in their lives. That’s disrespect and inadvertently makes your partner feel less cared for. Put that phone down. Strike a friendly conversation with their family, especially parents and siblings. Just like you surely did in the beginning of the relationship.
Minimum catch-up effort
You put in the very minimum effort when it comes to asking about his day and listening to him talk about it. You just say generic things like, “Interesting” and “That’s nice” but you don’t ask engaging questions or take the conversation further. This is how a bond dies.
Not talking it out
If something is wrong, the other person probably can’t read your mind. When a problem comes up, speak up at the right time. Couples are less distant when they talk out their issues than when they keep their feelings bottled up. And don’t forget to say, “I love you.” Expressing emotions — positive and negative — can benefit that bond. Even it means, talking about differences. Just don’t start with a predisposed bias.
When two people want to make it work, trust is key. Have confidence in your mate andrespect their privacy: Stop snooping through texts, emails, or bedroom drawers. And also, stop being too secretive – don’t push your partner to be sneaky.
Outsider’s influence in your relationship
One of the most destructive things in relationships is sharing personal bits with “close-friend” or family, or discussing issues outside without being addressed first by both parties involved.
Your relationship is as scared and precious as you make it. Stop making it a bulletin for the public, and don’t make anecdotes out of it.
Not sitting down to meals together
You may have heard the saying “couples who eat together, stay together”. Simply talking about sharing a meal and what to eat can create a stronger bond between people. Even if you’re swamped, be sure to schedule at least one regular meal together with no distractions.
Eating together may remedy some of the other bad habits because you’re forced to sit and talk about things. You need to commit to at least one — distraction-free — shared meal everyday.
You’re constantly plugged in
Using technology is a great way to stay connected when apart, but when you’re with your significant other, devices offer nothing but distraction. When we’re giving our phones more attention than our partners, it inhibits communication and can lead one partner to feel neglected or not taken seriously. Disconnect during certain times.
It’s important to focus on the present when you’re with your partner.
Calling him/her sensitive
When your partner is being overly sensitive, you never apologize. You never back down. You won’t say you’re sorry, even it would mean helping your partner feel better. You’re most concerned with saving your own face and being right. Or, you say sorry, in a negative, sarcastic way mocking your partner’s feelings. This is thoroughly selfish and insulting. Try to behave as you would in the earlier bits of your relationship. Respect your partner and his/her feelings.
Making decisions without consulting him/her
You buy major items for the house, tell your family you and your partner will visit them for holidays, and make other big decisions that involve your partner without consulting him first.